Control Issues - Why They Happen & How To Let Go
“When I’m referring to control, I’m referring to when you are pulled to wanting to control yourself, control your environment, or control the behavior of others.”
— Allison Villa
In times of stress, or uncertainty, it’s common to develop new behaviors as a way to regain a sense of control. This episode looks at control issues — why they develop, what they look like, how they affect our relationships, and what we can do to heal them.
Control issues range from mild to severe. They can look like trying to control yourself or your environment, as in compulsive tidying, the need to always be “productive”, or directing the exact details of household chores. Some examples of control can be more harmful, such as disordered eating, compulsive exercising, substance abuse, obsessive cleaning, or self harm.
Control issues can also manifest as trying to control another person, as in micromanaging, being overprotective, or helicopter parenting.
Depending on the degree and frequency, these issues can create ruptures in the fabric of a relationship.
People who have control issues often don’t want to be controlling! They feel shame and frustration about their behavior, often don’t understand what leads them to behave that way, and are afraid that they may end up losing relationships because of it.
The good news is that control issues aren’t forever. There are steps that you can take right now to start you on the path to healing.
In this episode of Couplehood, you’ll discover:
How many control issues initially take root — and why it’s so important to understand where they come from
Two simple ways to help yourself start to let go of your control issues
How to create micro-moments that retrain your brain to let go of control
“If you found yourself in the caregiver role as a young person, you might notice that you have a tendency towards wanting control as an adult.”
— Allison Villa
Highlights:
01:04 What do control issues look like?
02:37 Control issues within relationships
03:25 Where do control issues come from?
05:03 Discovering your control issue’s root
06:37 Micro-moments & choosing to let go
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