Stop Saying "Kids Are Resilient"
“Resiliency doesn’t happen by accident.”
— Allison Villa
It’s pretty common to hear people reassure each other (or themselves) with the phrase “Don’t worry, kids are resilient.” This saying is used as a way to minimize the effects of trauma, hardship, or stress on growing minds. It implies that resilience, the ability to bounce back without too many lasting effects, is an innate trait that all children are born with. It assumes that going through hard things just makes kids stronger automatically.
In fact, this isn’t actually the case. This common saying is not only inaccurate and reductionistic, but actually dangerous.
Resilience is something that must be learned and nurtured through a secure attachment bond — it doesn’t just develop on its own! And while resilience is an especially timely and important concept right now, developing resilience is extremely valuable for maintaining mental health in general! And childhood is by far the best time to do it.
There are many life events or circumstances that can strongly impact a child, from changing schools to moving to losing or being unable to visit a loved one. In this episode, I share a personal story from my own life about the pandemic lockdown which illustrates the importance of building resilience in children. You’ll also learn simple but powerful techniques that you can use to help your child develop this important skill!
There is never a better time to start developing resilience than right now. So let’s get started.
In this episode of Couplehood, you’ll discover:
✔ What resilience actually is — and how it’s developed through the caregiver-child bond
✔ The importance of moving through difficult situations WITH your children
✔ Actionable tools that you can use to help your children build resilience
“Our children have had a lot of things taken away from them over the past year.”
— Allison Villa
Highlights:
00:28 Introduction.
01:20 Personal pandemic story.
06:21 Help yourself as well as your child.
07:30 “Kids are resilient” is harmful.
09:14 How resilience develops.
11:20 Move through experiences together.
13:18 Show with words and actions.
14:05 Be aware and make time.
15:41 Model communication.
17:09 Recap.
Links:
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