Arjan's Lens - From Breakdown to Breakthrough
“I really had to look inwards… I finally started to also be honest with myself, in terms of how I was feeling.”
— Arjan Haak
There are two sides to every story. And to drive that point home, my guest for this episode is my husband, Arjan Haak.
You first heard about Arjan during the first episode of this podcast, where I talked about my From Breakdown to Breakthrough story.
(If you haven’t yet heard it, I do recommend going back and listening to that episode first.)
As Couplehood is a podcast about, well, couplehood, I thought that it would be interesting to bring Arjan on to talk about his side of the experience.
The Breakdown to Breakthrough story began six years into our marriage, after we both reached some pretty significant milestones. We’d already gotten married, bought our own home, and had two beautiful children. But that year, I had just received my professional designation as a psychotherapist and Arjan had just landed a full-time job with benefits — two milestones that we had been working toward for some time.
Even after crossing all of these amazing milestones off the list, I felt empty and defeated.
Arjan, on the other hand, felt great.
Coming to Arjan with my feelings was scary, because I felt that it meant that we were no longer compatible as a couple.
For Arjan, receiving this information was just as challenging… but it led to an awakening.
While he initially resisted, he was eventually driven to check in with himself and acknowledge that he had some mixed feelings about where we were in our lives.
Learning how to push through avoidance and face uncomfortable truths can be the difference between strengthening your relationship… or sinking it.
In this episode of Couplehood, you’ll discover:
The importance of breaking out of autopilot, checking in with yourself, and honestly assessing whether you’re getting what you need
Why it’s vital to push through denial and avoidance when faced with challenging honesty
3 action items that can take you from breakdown to breakthrough
“That is the ultimate gift to your kids — you being honest with yourself about who you are, and what joy, happiness, and success look like for you.”
— Allison Villa
About Arjan Haak
Arjan Haak is Allison’s husband and an avid cyclist. He lives in Toronto with Allison and their two children. He is an exceptional graphic designer.
Highlights:
00:24 Meet Arjan Haak
01:30 From breakdown to breakthrough: the other side
05:57 “Are you happy?”
08:00 Strengths & weaknesses
09:30 It starts with one person’s honesty
10:37 Coping & coasting seasons
12:22 Taking tough honesty seriously
14:57 Changing priorities & beliefs
17:01 Arjan’s job loss
19:22 From shock to hope
21:37 Back to Toronto
23:31 Conversations leading to growth
25:03 Action items
Links:
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